Doctor Who One-shot: The Deepest River's Carry Love
by JessGranger95
Summary: So much of The Doctor's time with River had been about the future that they'd never really had any time to think about the past. But this didn't mean that the Doctor could escape the things he'd done, or the people he'd left behind.


**Doctor Who One Shot**

**Summary: So much of The Doctor's time with River had been about the future that they'd never really had any time to think about the past. But this didn't mean that the Doctor could escape the things he'd done, or the people he'd left behind.**

_**A/N To quote Dumbledore "To our newcomers, welcome! To our old hands, welcome back!" So this is my first update for a while, and I know some of you are still waiting for me to update A Secret Long Buried (which I will get around to eventually, I promise), but I just had to post this. It's my first Doctor Who fic so be gentle guys! To all my fellow River fans, Happy River Song Appreciation Day! And to all my fellow Potterheads, Happy Birthday Minerva! Overall it's a good day for fandoms. Anyway I hope you enjoy this, if you don't cry, or at least get a watery eye, then I have failed my job. Goodnight.**_

As The Doctor woke up he wound his arms tighter around... nothingness. 'Where the hell is River?' he questioned mentally. Every night he fell asleep with her nested between his lean arms and when his eyes opened the next morning there she would be. But not today.

He opened his eyes quickly and pounced out of the covers onto the TARDIS floor. He didn't bother finding a shirt, instead, consumed with panic he sprang out of the bedroom and into one of the many corridors which made the TARDIS a maze to everyone but him and his wife. On his way towards the console room he retrieved his sonic screwdriver from the hidden pocket he had installed into his boxer shorts. River often ridiculed him over his habit of carrying the screwdriver around so diligently but he saw this as an acceptable sacrifice compared to being caught short and completely defenceless in a crisis. When he finally reached the main chamber of the time machine he saw her immediately and froze. River was a very difficult woman to miss. Her untameable blonde curls crackled like electricity and when she moved they bounced in a way which captivated anyone in the room. The strands of hair were wild and frenzied after a night of sleep and they framed a face which housed a thousand emotions. Upon it The Doctor has seen the sweetest smiles that made his heart melt, but he had also seen deadly glares which made him want to run away like a scared child. But it wasn't just her physical dominance that drew The Doctor to River, there was something else. Even before he knew who she was he had felt it, an inescapable awareness of her. The smell of her perfume seems to drown out every other scent in the world until it filled his every pore. His eyes seemed to flicker to her uncontrollably when they were in the same room. And when they touched, even for a second, the place where their skin met felt like it was touched by a flame. Heat, prickly and fierce spread through every cell in his body until he felt as though he was alight himself. A huge beacon of passion and lust combusting relentlessly for the woman he simply couldn't live without. The woman he had always know would die for him in the end. Unless he had anything to do with it, anyway.

His instinct was to rush over and hold her close against him, admonishing her for worrying his aged heart. But a small voice in his very large brain whispered that something wasn't quite right. Since they'd gotten married 3 months ago The Doctor had never woken up to an empty bed. He crept up behind her slowly. "River?" he asked timidly. She didn't jump or shudder, but he could see from the halt in the rise and fall of her shoulders that his presence had caused her breath to catch at least. She was sat in the doorway of the TARDIS with doors open, her legs dangling out into space. They were somewhere high above earth looking out onto a particularly pretty cluster of stars. He squeezed himself into the doorway beside her and saw her face for the first time that morning. Tears streamed from her brilliantly blue eyes down high cheekbones and over plump red lips. Her eyes lifted to his slowly but she didn't say anything. He automatically put his arm around her but she didn't lean into the embrace as he expected, remaining still and rigid in her upright position.

"River, what's wrong?" He almost daren't ask and his voice was laced with fear as he considered the possible answers to his question. What if something terrible had happened whilst he was asleep. Perhaps someone had rang the telephone and told her about some great disaster, thousands of deaths, a planet burning out.

'Or maybe she doesn't love me anymore...'

Before he could stop it the ugly thought had escaped the depths of his subconscious doubts and fears and stifled any attempt his brain was making to reveal a reasonable explanation for the behaviour of his wife. But before his imagination could find any more agonising explanations for the scenario around his, River answered herself.

She spoke slowly, with a conviction that made you feel the squeezing pressure on her heart as though a hand gripped yours as well. But she didn't sound angry of disappointed with her, rather sombrely curious.

"Who's Rose?"

'Rose...' he sighed mentally. He hadn't heard her name for a long time. He wondered what she had found which had lead her to this question. Maybe some old CCTV from the TARDIS; or perhaps she read a book, that mentioned her many contributions to saving the world.

"An old companion" he said cautiously. He wasn't sure what the right answer was because he had no idea where the conversation had arisen from.

"Is that all she was?" River's question was very quiet, but it filled the console room and stood stagnant between them as if it gasped in shock and suspense itself.

The Doctor bit his lip. He could lie, but River didn't usually ask questions she didn't already know the bloody answer to. And the truth, well that could only lead to trouble. So he used River's tactic against her and answered her question with another question.

"Why?"

She glared at him.

"You said her name in your sleep", she paused, as if considering, "tenderly- the way you should say my name. The name of your wife."

The Doctor took a deep breath and moved away from River slightly, instead leaning against the doorframe opposite to her.

"No, she wasn't just a companion. I loved her", his eyes slid down to the TARDIS floor, "very much."

The Doctor had that frown on his face that she knew meant she was trying not to cry.

"Where is she now?"

The frown deepened on his stone face, and she worried it would never lift from the once so young looking features. He now looked as though he had stood on the edge of the universe and witnessed nought but suffering for a thousand years. And perhaps he had, she did not know. All she knew at that moment was how much she wanted to see that beautiful toothy grin again.

"Alternate universe with half human me."

The upset slipped from River's face and was replaced with blank confusion.

"Half human you..?" she mumbled. He nodded absently.

"It's a long story, one that no longer matters. It was a very long time ago, and a completely different me. I promise you River, the only woman for THIS Doctor, Doctor number eleven, is you."

She bit her lip gently as if trying to decide whether or not she should say the words which were on the tip of her tongue.

"Then why do you still dream about her?"

He ran his fingers through his floppy fringe nervously.

"I... I don't know."

He didn't like when he didn't know things, especially when they were about him. And she was right, he was a married man, and he did love her VERY much. So why would he dream of Rose when it was so clearly wrong? He made to leave but before he could straighten River had wound her fingers around his own.

"Don't go", she whispered. "I'm not angry with you; it just upsets me that you had this whole life before me, 1000 years of people and things I don't know about." She pouted slightly then added slightly bitterly, "a century's worth of girlfriends."

Then she looked into his eyes once more and he saw raw emotion rippling among the waves of her ocean blue eyes.

"I just want to be the only one. I'm being selfish."

She started to cry again and he threw his arms around her instinctively. He rubbed her back slowly and placed a delicate kiss on top of the messy curls he loved so much.

"You're not being selfish. You're right, I'm a married man whose love is brighter than the light of every star in the universe put together. You're the only girl who should get to feature in my dreams." At this he kissed her lightly on the lips, running his index finger along her cheeks to wipe away some of the tears which still fell gently from her eyes like the last desperate attempts of a withering rain cloud. River tilted her face up slightly and deepened the kiss, running sliding her hands surreptitiously up his chest, which was still bare, and up to his neck. She caressed it with her soft fingers and The Doctor hummed with content. It was one of those kisses that gave a man hope, it was hard and hot, causing all his worries to melt away. This left room in his world for only her, this kiss, and this moment. When they finally broke apart they were both breathless and intoxicated by the lust which had filled the kiss. But it had only ignited their more primitive urges and when the Doctor looked back into his River's eyes they were midnight blue and swimming with longing. He could only imagine the desire reflected in his own eyes. So he scooped up his wife and carried her back to their bedroom to have his wicked way with her.

A/N Hope you liked it, I just thought that The Doctor's past would always create a barrier between River and The Doctor. But unsurprisingly they survived it! Don't forget to review please guys! Thanks for reading! :D

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